Upon his death, a New Orleans psych bequeathed $50,000 to a famous graveyard declaring that it was "an act of restitution to the former patients he had sent there."
- How come shrinks can rape their patients and not be charged with a crime?
- Psych: "Treatment is not a crime."
If, as the psychs believe, man is a bunch of chemicals and structures to be picked apart and examined in excruciating detail to see what makes him tick, should we not first start with the psychs? Let us operate on them, probe their brains with chrome plated ice picks, apply electricity to their bodies, give them calculated doses of insulin sufficient to convulse them, observe them with dispassionate disattachment, experiment on them, keep them imprisoned in hospital wards and asylums, put them in chemical straightjackets induced by mind altering debilitating drugs, put them through mazes and tests and talk about them in "learned" journals. Perhaps then, by thoroughly understanding their amazing brains and their wonderful synapses, we may view the perfection toward which we should strive.
- What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes with two
psychs in it?
- The porcupine's pricks are on the outside.
Did you hear about the naive lawyer who was looking for an honest shrink to testify to the mental state of his client?
Laws have been passed in many states removing the psychs' right to
rape patients and commit indiscriminate murder through electric
shock. The Devil, foreseeing the demise of lucrative psych practice,
approached a likely looking shrink.
- Devil: Aren't you tired of making less money than your medical non-psych colleagues who know half of what you do? Sick of the disrespect? Exhausted by all the public scrutiny?
- Shrink: "Why, yes, I am."
- Devil: "Just as I thought. So, this is what I am going to do for you - a million dollars per year tax free, all the people to experiment on you could ever want without the threat of reprisals from the law, your patients the most desirable possible who will give you their bodies voluntarily, and the ability for you to convince anyone that he or she has a mental disease. All you have to give me in return is your immortal soul.
- The shrink, pondering long and hard, adjusted his tie several times, stuck his hands in his pockets, took them out and put them back in, frowned and puzzled then finally answered - "I don't get it. What's the catch?"
Lawrence Wiley, List owner, Copyright (c) 1998