Psych Bitter Humor

Black Humor:

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- What do lawyers and shrinks have in common?
- One invents the law to administer while the other invents mental diseases to cure.

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- What's a dead shrink called?
- A shrunk.

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A psych stepped in a pile of cow dung and thought he was melting.

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Psychs: Mental scum carrying out mental scams.

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As was their habit, the two neighbors were in the kitchen having coffee and chatting up each other: Neighbor 1 - "I hear that our new neighbor is a psych." Neighbor 2 - "There goes the neighborhood."

Essay:

IN PRAISE OF THE DIFFERENT

Nothing could be more dull than a normal man. Name a great woman who was normal. My Webster tells me that normal is average, mediocre, conformist. I believe it. Normal seas produce no great adventure, no stupendous change. I hesitate to mention, though, the great names of history to support my thesis, for they are dispensed with in books with trite conclusions. No, I’d much rather you’d think of one you know, or knew, and then another, and another. Then, ask yourself the question, were they normal? Did they lead dull lives? Join with me in asserting that quietude is not the end all of life.

Oh, but one who springs out, flittering a different light, is at risk. Hands reach up from the sea to pull that one back. Bothered, disturbed, by imagined threats, the normal strike! Assisted by that gargantua of normalcy, the government, the different are redefined: They are mental, crazy, mad, makers of disturbing trends. Beneficently, the normal honchos in government fund an inquisition. Recant ye heretics! The pretenders to state religion gobble the funds and bring their psychological tools to bear to torture those precious souls whose only crime is disturbing the normal.

I could say that revolution is the natural result if the inquisition is allowed to go its course, but I won’t. You see, I have faith in the different. The modern inquisition has already become the greatest failure in the history of social control. The inquisitors’ manual of differences is even now being relegated to epitaph. Their fecal attempts to indoctrinate us with the idiocies of psychology is one big practical joke. Even government officials and representatives are beginning to see this. The inquisitors are hectic over threatened loss of funds. Do not be fooled by their death throes, their Goals 2000 spew. Just stomp on it.

The tide is turning. Advances occur only in a free society. The hallmark of such a society is the freedom to differ. The normal hold sway for a day; the different save that day.

Lawrence Wiley

Poems:

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Psychiatree (a satire in verse)

__________________________

Psychiatree

(That's Me. EMM.DEE.)

The accent's on the silent P

I read it in a book, you see - (the Holy DSM IV)

But did I hear you say you're SANE?

Well, have you met your

reptile brain?

Just plug this in

while I explain...

OOooohhhh!

kill a soul

mend a hate

electroshock

and maybe rape

AAAaaaaahhh!

O what to do? My day's half done...

We'll educate! With Ritalin!

Oh Glory Me!

Not vita-mines!!

We can't have that

you filthy swine

Did I say that? (you stupid kine) [ kine: old word for cows]

I must have said "You're drooling fine!"

Now back to work.. no time to waste...

my quotas must be met post-haste!

OOooohhhh!

kill a soul

mend a hate

electroshock

and maybe rape

AAAaaaaahhh!

These patients all have such poor taste..

Already lunch?

I'll have some brain!

I do so love my sex with pain!

again

AGAIN!!

You're drooling from your ears again..

I thought you said that you were sane!

But back to work... I've kids to screw!

Did I say that? IT ISN'T TRUE!

(They must read minds - I'll kill them too!)

OOooohhhh!

kill a soul

mend a hate

electroshock

and maybe rape

AAAaaaaahhh!

I'm-hearing-what-you're-telling-me

I'mhereingwhatyou'retellingme

merinwutchurtelinme.. Of course I heard!

You said some words..

Listen?

They don't even rhyme!

So just make sure you're dead on time..

Take these..

What? Did I say dead?

(That Prozac's gone straight to your head.)

Of course I did!

Cuz Death's such fun!

The only Cure for EVERYONE!

I'm good as Wundt!

O what a Day!

In fact, I'm God

I'm proud to say.

So as I lay my brain to sleep

I pray myself some oundt to *bleep*

(Did I say oundt?

O Glory Me!

Just change the o and drop the d.)

Kevin Taylor

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